“You’re a loud mouth baby. You better shut up - I’m gonna beat you up.”
- The Ramones
Today, we’re going to review a few matters on phone etiquette and volume control in the office. There’s at least one loud mouth bastard in every office. He or she grates on the nerves of everyone, and you know exactly what you’d like to do to that person after hours.
Speaking at a volume reserved for romantic nuances across a noise truck stop in Virginia just isn’t appropriate for the office.
The guy across the cube wall doesn’t need to know everything his flip-top headed co-worker is doing. For instance, I truly believe that anyone who codes needs full concentration, and should be allowed to shut out the world. (And carry an aluminum bat in the office.)
Volume rules apply to cell phones just the same as land lines.
Cell phone use does not magically transport the caller into a world of isolation. A couple of key points to cell phone fans:
- Using the speakerphone on your cell phone, and then holding at arms length while you yell into it, is obnoxious as hell.
- Use of the hands-free devices is fine, but we can still hear you! No need to yell, and pretend that appearing to talk to yourself is normal.
- Talking on the phone loudly in the bathroom is just freaking weird.
Over-use of the speakerphone
It’s rude to call people on speakerphone without warning. It takes just a couple of seconds before they’re fully aware that others are listening in the room without permission. This feels like interrogation. Why not approach this by way of e-mail, to avoid putting someone on the spot, Gambino?
I frequently ask people to take me off speakerphone, and insist that I do not need to have my answers projected across a room for other’s instant gratification. If I can hear you eating, talking to your secretary, or masturbating (it’s happened, I swear.), I honestly don’t want to have a business conversation with you.
Focus people. Focus on the moment at hand. Communicate your needs or intentions effectively, and with the expected courtesy.
